At times I am so angry I lose my ability to put letters into words, words into sentences.
And when I can’t write, I run.
I run until I can no longer breathe, a reminder of all the times you sucked the life out of me.
I run until my limbs go numb in the hope that my emotions might do the same.
I run until my head can think only of the way my body feels working underneath me.
I feel the science of it, a brilliant machine with parts designed perfectly and purposefully for this unique action.
I feel the beauty in my self inflicted suffering, the satisfying thrill of seeing what I’m capable of.
I run because I am desperately trying to chase down the girl I let you take from me.
I know she is there.
Her spirit burns proud and unyielding as the Olympic flame, for not even the Greek gods could extinguish it.
I run until my feet catch fire on the pavement, swallowing me up.
Wholly engulfed, that is where I find her again.
I remember all the ups and downs of playing Super Mario Brothers Deluxe on my purple Gameboy Color when I was just a wee little redhead. I recall the excitement I felt each time I surpassed an obstacle that had stopped me on previous attempts. I also recall the moments of frustration as I watched the screen fade to black and those two dreaded words appeared across my screen. In a video game it’s called Game Over, however in real life we prefer to call it starting fresh.
Life is a series of trial and error, starting and restarting. With practice–the idea is to get further ahead than the last. We spend our lives inching closer and closer to attaining the things we believe will make us happy. Sometimes we’re right, and sometimes we couldn’t be more wrong.
We suffer the most heartbreak on those occasions we get the closest we’ve ever been, but in the process we become the strongest us we’ve ever been.
Maybe Game Over isn’t the worst thing in the world. Maybe in actuality it’s the best thing that could ever happen to you.
I hesitated when I was contemplating the idea for this post. Social media is so saturated with full face makeup, I wondered if this sentiment held any value somewhere in the world in 2017. Because of my personal experience, I decided that it must.
A few months ago I made a trip to Starbucks with a friend. The two of us started a conversation with the barista taking our order, and at some point during the back and forth the barista girl looks at me and says, “I love your lipstick, I wish I could pull that off as well as you.”
Now, my first reaction was red-faced awkward embarrassment because I instinctively respond that way when strangers give me an unexpected compliment. I had a couple seconds to think about my response.
I told her I appreciated her words and then I said to her, “But you Can pull it off just as well. It just takes time to get used to it.” I encouraged her to try it, and keep trying it, if it was something she thought she might want to explore. I felt called to let her know I was once in her shoes. I had experienced those same feelings when I would see beautiful, bold lipstick on another person. “It just doesn’t look right on me”, was an all too familiar thought. I remember it feeling unattainable, as if only certain people were members of this mysterious lipstick club, and I was not one of them.
I was wrong.
I choose to wear bold lipstick, and so can you.
Did you ever experience similar thoughts when you tried bold lipstick for the first time?
Do you ever run into this problem? It happens to me more often than I’d like to admit.
While shopping in a store or online—when I decide I want to purchase an item I’m usually very decisive about which color I like best. I know right away which one I’m taking home with me. But…what if upon first glance I saw the item (in this instance it’s a ruffle-linen blouse) in yellowand fell in love, but then clicked through the other available colors and realized the pink one is just as gorgeous?
What would you do?
For me the answer is quite simple, buy both!
My justification: If you like something, why not have more than one? For example, God only knows how long it takes me to find a pair of jeans that fits my body the way I want them to. I say, if there’s something that makes you feel like a superhero while wearing it, then PLEASE do yourself a favor and buy more than one. What if you spill some unknown, permanent-staining substance on your favorite blouse, then what?
Today is your day to wear purple because… well why the hell not?
Today is a special day because you are following your passion. You need to celebrate! Remind yourself that you’re taking a step towards a happier more fulfilled you.
Smile at the naysayers through your purple teeth like you know a secret they’ll never figure out. Because let’s be honest honey–ya do. You know your purple is taking you places they won’t ever reach.
And to the ones who love you, the ones that gave you a chance, they deserve to know the purple you.
Be purple and proud.
Check out this fantastic collared, short sleeve sweater. Cheers to the person who left this for me to find at my local thrift store!
I’m wearing purple to remind myself that all the hard work, time spent, and never-ending challenges will all be worth it someday. My purple reminds me to keep going, but also to be proud of how far I’ve come.
Take your purple passion–and make it happen. *Note to self: Must re-watch Flashdance.
And in case you were curious…here’s a better look at my accessories!
Hoping your Spring is off to a bright and beautiful start.
I have so many items in my possession that are AWESOME pieces I’ve picked up, but have only worn once or not at all.
Somewhere along the line between checkout and the journey to the back of my closet, I’ll admit there’s been some neglect. I have a name for these hidden, but never forgotten treasures, I like to refer to them as “the wanted” because they are notorious for being untouchable and yet are ever so desirable.
I find myself wearing the same old standard day after day…after day…..after day. Don’t misunderstand me there’s nothing wrong with my standard go-to, it works for me. It’s sensible, I feel comfortable and it just feels like me, but every once in awhile when I do decide to switch things up and bust out a piece from my “wanted” collection, even a subtle change, it can be kind of magical.
For example, most of the time I feel very anxious when I wear a skirt. I start thinking ideas like, “Oh god someone’s going to look at me,” or “What if they think I’m girly?” Of course both statements sound completely ridiculous. Yes, people will look at me, the majority of people do have eyes don’t they? And when did girly become a “bad word” in my vocabulary? Sure, the anxiety takes over first, I don’t think that will ever change, but I think the trick is to say f*#$ it, and wear the damn thing anyway. I find that each time my “attitude” out plays my anxiety, I have successfully accomplished three things:
1. I’m wearing instead of wasting hard earned money.
2. I look goood.
And 3. (The most important) My confidence level is at an all time high.
My logic is undeniable–therefore I challenge YOU to wear one thing this week that scares the shit out of you. As a friend I’m giving YOU permission to have a little attitude, because sometimes it’s necessary. Just this one time–don’t let anxiety get the best of you. If I can do it, I know you can too. One thing I suggest to help make this a little easier is to pair your dreaded “wanted” item with one of your golden oldies. I feel very comfortable in thrift store grandpa sweaters, so for this look it made wearing my skirt a bit less intimidating (like I had a safe, warm place to cling to as I threw inhibition out the window).
Good luck, I believe in you.
Don’t be afraid of a little thunder and lightning,