This is the first birthday I can ever remember feeling unsettled about my age. Does everyone go through some sort of crisis as they draw nearer to 30? I’m certainly not where I thought I would be nor where I want to be. I’m not necessarily unhappy with the way things have turned out up until this point. It’s just that all of a sudden it feels as if someone flipped over the hourglass labeled Brittni’s Life kickstarting the steady, streaming descent of sand. I don’t recall signing any paperwork authorizing this. I demand unlimited flips for the rest of time, thank you very much. No? That’s not how this works?
Previous birthdays were spent celebrating milestones with each new age giving rise to exciting new found freedoms and independence. What now? I find myself frustrated and at times sick to my stomach because not only do I feel so far away from my goals, but my birthday is a bright yellow sticky note stuck to the inside of my eyelids reminding me that I have less time to reach them. I have less time to be young, less time to have new experiences. I could worry myself into a mental institution obsessing over lost time, or a more likely scenario, hinder my progress taking active steps towards my aspirations.
Here’s where I try to turn my thinking around: Why am I putting so much emphasis on what I have not yet accomplished, rather than celebrating the life that has been lived thus far? Your birthday is a celebration of the experiences you’ve had and lessons you have learned. Instead of fixating yourself on turning another year older, celebrate the person you’ve become.
Celebrate with the people who love you, the ones who think you’re great even when you’re not. Celebrate not the years, but the moments that have come to pass. Celebrate solo. Truly celebrate yourself. Feel the weight of what you carry on your back, good and bad, all that you are is worth celebrating.